Mental Pictures

If only the pictures we take could include more than just an image. I know I'm not the only one who has ever wished that the little snapshots we capture could include sound, smell, and especially feelings, as well as they capture that small, fleeting instant in time.

Lately I've been trying harder and harder to remember... to file away the things that make those moments so important, only to find merely a few weeks later that those mental notes are fading. Journaling, blogging, and hundreds of pictures that I'm terrified will somehow be lost, don't seem to help, as the inevitable reality of forgetting moves on as it always will.

What I want to remember about this picture, is that Daddy carried not just one, but sometimes two little boys on an impromptu hike through the national park near Montezuma Well. With Grace walking along side him, he helped them under barbed wire fences, through various species of cactus, and safely around huge fire anthill mounds, that must have seemed so treacherous in their young minds. I wish I could remember the weather...so perfectly cool for June, or the quiet of seclusion, interrupted by exclamations of wonder at the occasional lizard, buzzard, or strange cactus shape.

To these little children, Daddy is their world. Each day while he's gone we discuss exactly how many more days until we get to see him again... how many have passed and how many more we have to wait. We make plans for the weekend. They look forward to his stories about "Raven Claw" and playing "Dragon". They get to tell him all about their day in their phone calls before bedtime, and he's always mentioned in their sweet little prayers.

If I could take a mental picture, I think I would photograph many of these moments, maybe save them for John to see later. I would show him how Porter's eyes light up when we talk about Daddy, or how hopeful Grace looks when she plans to play with her Gerbil when Daddy comes home. I'd show him Emerson, head bowed, eyes squinted shut praying for Daddy to come home from "Mondezuma wew" (I admit, I've peeked.) I might even save one or two for myself... the joy I feel, when I watch how excited they all are when they hear daddy's truck on Friday night, and the glee that follows as they greet him at the door. Or, the peace I felt, as I walked behind them on our little hike, knowing what I know about the eternal nature of families, and so happy just because.

Father's Day is over, but I hope Grace, Emerson and Porter's Daddy know always, what a blessing he is, not only in their lives, but in mine as well. We are so grateful for his sweetness, patience and love. I hope he knows how much we miss him when he's gone. Three more days to go!